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Your Questions About 3 Bedroom House Plans India

June 5, 2013

Charles asks…

Divorce from wife probably suffering from mental Disorder?

Iam from India. My 33 yr old wife whom I married 10 months back through an arranged marriage is
selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), she has several strong traits of borderline personality disorder – childish/childlike behavior, deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with… the works. she is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).what really gets to me is that she is “happy” and “chatty” only around her friends and family. around mine she is aloof, disinterested or just plain rude. she picks apart everything my friends/loved ones say and do. she takes offense to everything the say or do. she makes it a point to sit in a separate room or plan parallel activities when they are around. this makes it extremely difficult to have a nice time with my parents/family. its particularly distressing for me.she always blames me when i try to prod her to speak with them
She is angry most of the times for trivial or no reason and stops eating food for some time. She works in a Private Co. and does not bother to tell me where and how she is spending her salary. I and my Father bear all the expenses of the house.My old mother has to do all the household work and my wife shamelessly keeps sitting in her room and keeps watching TV. My wife does not even bother to speak to my parents or show any respect to them.
She had high fever a month back. Me and my mom took so much care of her. I personally administerd her medicines for 3 days, still she says I dont care for her and she continues her hostile tirade against my kind mom.
She worked like a Donkey for 20 days in her parents home when she had to stay there for 20 days as her brother’s wife was pregnant.But she does little or no work in my house and still cries. Such r her double-standards.
A few days back I sat in the living room with my parents to watch TV. First she locked the bedroom door and when she finally opened it after lot of knocking she shouted so loudly on me and my mother making all false accusations on us. However I calmed her down some how. After that incident my parents have completely lost respect for her.
A few days back my mom put some of my clothes washed by my wife in the sun. My wife created such an issue over this non-issue saying my mom does not want her to do any work. She talks such non-sense, its maddening, even my mom& dad were shocked at her such behaviour.
Divorce is not possible in India unless its by mutual consent of both husband and wife. My evil wife has refused to give me divorce and I think I am stuck forever with this miserable woman.

Administrator answers:

The best option is live separately so that at least your parent can live in peace ….you can look after your parents from distance and you can meet them whenever you want without telling your wife …Your wife type of girls are nuisance for whole family and you can do nothing because our Indian law doesn’t permit to throw this type of girls from house ….This type of girl are like slave of their parental family they only listen to them even if they are spoiling their life …I have seen a very close family member who is like your wife that is why i am saying just live separately .

Betty asks…

Is this a case of Borderline Personality Disorder? Is there any chance of improvement in future?

I think my wife has Borderline Personality Disorder. Please read this and then give your comments:-

am from India. My 33 yr old wife whom I married 10 months back through an arranged marriage is
selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), she has several strong traits of borderline personality disorder – childish/childlike behavior, deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with… the works. she is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).what really gets to me is that she is “happy” and “chatty” only around her friends and family. around mine she is aloof, disinterested or just plain rude. she picks apart everything my friends/loved ones say and do. she takes offense to everything the say or do. she makes it a point to sit in a separate room or plan parallel activities when they are around. this makes it extremely difficult to have a nice time with my parents/family. its particularly distressing for me.she always blames me when i try to prod her to speak with them
She is angry most of the times for trivial or no reason and stops eating food for some time. She works in a Private Co. and does not bother to tell me where and how she is spending her salary. I and my Father bear all the expenses of the house.My old mother has to do all the household work and my wife shamelessly keeps sitting in her room and keeps watching TV. My wife does not even bother to speak to my parents or show any respect to them.
She had high fever a month back. Me and my mom took so much care of her. I personally administerd her medicines for 3 days, still she says I dont care for her and she continues her hostile tirade against my kind mom.
A few days back I sat in the living room with my parents to watch TV. First she locked the bedroom door and when she finally opened it after lot of knocking she shouted so loudly on me and my mother making all false accusations on us. However I calmed her down some how. After that incident my parents have completely lost respect for her.
A few days back my mom put some of my clothes washed by my wife in the sun. My wife created such an issue over this non-issue saying my mom does not want her to do any work. She talks such non-sense, its maddening, even my mom& dad were shocked at her such behaviour.
Divorce is not possible in India unless its by mutual consent of both husband and wife. My evil wife has refused to give me divorce and I think I am stuck forever with this miserable woman.

Administrator answers:

Sounds like she never wanted the arranged marriage in the first place. My inclination would be to let her sit in her room and rot. After further thought, my conclusion is still pretty close to that.

Granted, you have some laws and customs that are different than mine. But she is either exhibiting signs or Narcissist Personality Disorder or something similar enough that she can be treated the same way. If she will not respond positively to thoughts of a divorce, then perhaps she intends to stay around and continue to make life miserable. At a minimum, she is an adult who behaves like a small child, and you do not need to stand for that either.

One thing for you to ask yourself first – is your perception of this situation objective? Are you seeing it clearly, or are you defensive about her clashes with your mother, and not seeing the battle that is going on there? It helps to be honest with yourself.

From your description, I will assume you are giving an objective account of the situation. So you need to move on with your own life and happiness. She will either snap out of it, respond to the request for a divorce (keep asking!), or she will sit in a corner for the rest of her life. You can stop worrying about trying to please her, and just worry about being happy yourself.

It doesn’t make for the best relationship, but when she decided to be the person who lashes out and make everyone miserable, she lost the right to keep getting everyone’s effort and understanding.

Joseph asks…

Want to Divorce Wife having Borderline Personality Disorder traits?

I am from India. My 33 yr old wife whom I married 10 months back through an arranged marriage is
selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), she has several strong traits of borderline personality disorder – childish/childlike behavior, deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with… the works. she is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).what really gets to me is that she is “happy” and “chatty” only around her friends and family. around mine she is aloof, disinterested or just plain rude. she picks apart everything my friends/loved ones say and do. she takes offense to everything the say or do. she makes it a point to sit in a separate room or plan parallel activities when they are around. this makes it extremely difficult to have a nice time with my parents/family. its particularly distressing for me.she always blames me when i try to prod her to speak with them
She is angry most of the times for trivial or no reason and stops eating food for some time. She works in a Private Co. and does not bother to tell me where and how she is spending her salary. I and my Father bear all the expenses of the house.My old mother has to do all the household work and my wife shamelessly keeps sitting in her room and keeps watching TV. My wife does not even bother to speak to my parents or show any respect to them.
She had high fever a month back. Me and my mom took so much care of her. I personally administerd her medicines for 3 days, still she says I dont care for her and she continues her hostile tirade against my kind mom.
A few days back I sat in the living room with my parents to watch TV. First she locked the bedroom door and when she finally opened it after lot of knocking she shouted so loudly on me and my mother making all false accusations on us. However I calmed her down some how. After that incident my parents have completely lost respect for her.
A few days back my mom put some of my clothes washed by my wife in the sun. My wife created such an issue over this non-issue saying my mom does not want her to do any work. She talks such non-sense, its maddening, even my mom& dad were shocked at her such behaviour.
Divorce is not possible in India unless its by mutual consent of both husband and wife. My evil wife has refused to give me divorce and I think I am stuck forever with this miserable woman.
Mr. hankredw

can u suggest me the medicines for this Borderline Personality Disorder.

Administrator answers:

I can’t wrap my head around this one. My first suggestion would be to get a divorce but since that isn’t possible, my only suggestion is to seek marriage counselling if it is available and if you can get your wife to agree to it. Other than that….

Good Luck!

…and I too, seriously mean that…

Daniel asks…

WAS / IS this a LOVE?

WAS / IS this a LOVE??
My Name is Manjunath; i am from Bangalore, Karnataka, India

Mine is a love Marriage, I am going to be a father.

My Story: I was leading my life like a royal.
When I was with my parents, I had 2 Bed rooms, 1 bed room with double cot bed, tv with cable, computer, dvd player, Bero, attached bathroom with western toilet.
Another room it was with double cot.
I had 2 bike, 1 car, all insurance upto date, Chicken is my favorite dish, minimum once in 3 days I use have. PIZZA HUT once in a week, I had more than 1000 DVD’s which contains 2 to 18 movies in one DVD’s, every weekends i used go out.
No credit card OR no loans OR no outside credit

After Marriage: My parents didn’t agree for a love marriage, I ran away & got married to her.
Status of mine (after marriage): No cot, No TV, No Bero, No car, 1 bike, No computer, single bedroom, No credit card, Rs. 1,00,000/- Loan, Rs. 15000/- Outside Credit, not paid insurance from 2 years, No stopped having chicken cos she wont have, Pizza Hut once in 4 – 6 months (only when says). 100 DVD’s which took from home. Stay at home, wife is not giving company & not leaving me to go alone (this is from after marriage not started recently).

My Wife: I never saw her, how she will be with their family & relatives & friends.
She used to smoke & drink, which I won’t like, I told her to stop he accepted too, but she didn’t stop it. She call & ask me meet her in 5 mins, I have to travel in car OR bike 5KM in 5 MINs, whenever I ask to meet in morning by 11AM, she used to come late minimum by 1 hour
When we were lovers she didn’t gave me any clues & she have a bad behavior, but now (after marriage) we started going to her relatives house, her relatives from children’s to aged peoples will kiss her & she will kiss them, few her cousins call her wife. Dance with them, If I ask her to stop it, she will tell you wont dance with so I am dancing with them (but I will dance with her, even then I have take **** from her)

Love story: we used to meet only once in a week or once in two week, that time she was asking me to take her out & I was telling her no, you only decide now, I will decide after marriage cos she know her family & timings so she can plan accordingly & we were going. She used to kiss me & tell can’t you kiss me, & later on I will kiss her. Some time I was the 1st & to say I love you also, same thing I was telling her some many times.

Now after marriage: I am begging her, lets go out, lets go for movie, but only answer is wait wait wait, after waiting it will be night & go to sleep, that’s all nothing else, if I ask her to if you not interested then tell me, I will only go & come, for that also she will start all with her angriness. Actually I don’t remember when she told me last I LOVE U, not even for VALENTINES DAY and KISS also 27th March 2010 She gave me the last kiss, that’s all. i ask’d her to come out with me for few place & few things for me, she is not ready to coming out with me, she is had gone out with her cousin y’day,below is the details & pending from years
Shiva temple – 3 years
Koti Lings – 2 years
Manchinabeille Dam – 1 Year
Mysore – 1 year
Art of living – 1 year
Telitoscope (Gift for me) – 1 year
Key Chain (Gift for me) – 1 year
TD Dam – 1 ½ years
& so on……

Now we are with her parents (my parents still not agreed), as she is pregnant, y’day I was little upset & ask’d her, can we talk, I told her I am not feeling good by staying here from so many days & your sisters & dad is not talking & not giving respect to me & few more like that, for that she start of angriness

She not coming out, not giving time to share my feelings, not preparing food which I ask her, no kisses, no hugs, no I love u, no greeting, no gifts, nothing at all.

Can I have a solution for this.
::(
Now i don’t have anyone, not even parents & relatives.
but she not ready to talk also, if i ask OR tells her anything she will gets angry, thats all nothing else, only angry on ME.
this is just a few problem in my life, with her, there are so many

Administrator answers:

Tell her how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t realize how much she’s hurting you. Give her time to change. If she doesn’t and you’re still not happy, just tell her things aren’t working out how you expected and go back to your parents. There’s no shame in that. You deserve to be happy. (you need to evaluate your current situation: is it worth what you gave up & could potentially have?) if your parents aren’t wiling to take you back, then just move forward alone for now. You’ll find real love someday.

Sandy asks…

WAS / IS this a LOVE??

My Name is Manjunath; i am from Bangalore, Karnataka, India

Mine is a love Marriage, I am going to be a father.

My Story: I was leading my life like a royal.
When I was with my parents, I had 2 Bed rooms, 1 bed room with double cot bed, tv with cable, computer, dvd player, Bero, attached bathroom with western toilet.
Another room it was with double cot.
I had 2 bike, 1 car, all insurance upto date, Chicken is my favorite dish, minimum once in 3 days I use have. PIZZA HUT once in a week, I had more than 1000 DVD’s which contains 2 to 18 movies in one DVD’s, every weekends i used go out.
No credit card OR no loans OR no outside credit

After Marriage: My parents didn’t agree for a love marriage, I ran away & got married to her.
Status of mine (after marriage): No cot, No TV, No Bero, No car, 1 bike, No computer, single bedroom, No credit card, Rs. 1,00,000/- Loan, Rs. 15000/- Outside Credit, not paid insurance from 2 years, No stopped having chicken cos she wont have, Pizza Hut once in 4 – 6 months (only when says). 100 DVD’s which took from home. Stay at home, wife is not giving company & not leaving me to go alone (this is from after marriage not started recently).

My Wife: I never saw her, how she will be with their family & relatives & friends.
She used to smoke & drink, which I won’t like, I told her to stop he accepted too, but she didn’t stop it. She call & ask me meet her in 5 mins, I have to travel in car OR bike 5KM in 5 MINs, whenever I ask to meet in morning by 11AM, she used to come late minimum by 1 hour
When we were lovers she didn’t gave me any clues & she have a bad behavior, but now (after marriage) we started going to her relatives house, her relatives from children’s to aged peoples will kiss her & she will kiss them, few her cousins call her wife. Dance with them, If I ask her to stop it, she will tell you wont dance with so I am dancing with them (but I will dance with her, even then I have take shit from her)

Love story: we used to meet only once in a week or once in two week, that time she was asking me to take her out & I was telling her no, you only decide now, I will decide after marriage cos she know her family & timings so she can plan accordingly & we were going. She used to kiss me & tell can’t you kiss me, & later on I will kiss her. Some time I was the 1st & to say I love you also, same thing I was telling her some many times.

Now after marriage: I am begging her, lets go out, lets go for movie, but only answer is wait wait wait, after waiting it will be night & go to sleep, that’s all nothing else, if I ask her to if you not interested then tell me, I will only go & come, for that also she will start all with her angriness. Actually I don’t remember when she told me last I LOVE U, not even for VALENTINES DAY and KISS also 27th March 2010 She gave me the last kiss, that’s all. i ask’d her to come out with me for few place & few things for me, she is not ready to coming out with me, she is had gone out with her cousin y’day,below is the details & pending from years
Shiva temple – 3 years
Koti Lings – 2 years
Manchinabeille Dam – 1 Year
Mysore – 1 year
Art of living – 1 year
Telitoscope (Gift for me) – 1 year
Key Chain (Gift for me) – 1 year
TD Dam – 1 ½ years
& so on……

Now we are with her parents (my parents still not agreed), as she is pregnant, y’day I was little upset & ask’d her, can we talk, I told her I am not feeling good by staying here from so many days & your sisters & dad is not talking & not giving respect to me & few more like that, for that she start of angriness

She not coming out, not giving time to share my feelings, not preparing food which I ask her, no kisses, no hugs, no I love u, no greeting, no gifts, nothing at all.

Can I have a solution for this.
::(
?At Times Like This?

Thanks for the response & blessings, but she not ready to talk also, if i ask OR tells her anything she will gets angry, thats all nothing else, only angry on ME.
Now i don’t have anyone, not even parents & relatives.
this is just a few problem in my life, with her, there are so many

Administrator answers:

Wow, A lot of info. I don’t think anyone can say whether it was or is love. You know how you feel and clearly you made some sacrifices to be with her. I think that you guys need to talk and try and figure out what attracted to each other in the first place. You obviously expect to be marrying for love, you can’t expect that to be easy. You got a baby on the way, that is a huge blessing, and so many kids in North America grow up with a single parent. Try and work things out with your wife, I think that you should try to show her love and respect even when she isn’t loving or respectful back. You will at least have exhausted every option. Best of wishes, I’ll be praying for you.

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