Questions and Answers
Your Questions About Luxury Apartments In New York
Can Someone Please Proofread My Story?
I had to stare at the blk&wht Photo Of ‘lunch on a crossbeam, 1932′ and i had to pick one man to write a letter. i chose the man in the very center of the photo he is writing to his upper-class love.
Dear Amelia, I don’t miss those coal mines back in Alabama, I don’t miss your father dictating me and telling me I can’t see you. The only thing I miss in that old city is you. I still think of you every day. You know, the only reason I moved to New York City was so that I could forget about you. There ain’t nothing that’ll ever make me forget about you doll face, not even this tragic depression. One day, when I have the money, I’m gonna rescue you from that coal town, there ain’t anything there for you. I’ll bring you back here, to New York City.
I got a great deal on a nice apartment, although your father would call it a dump. It’s located down the street from a cozy little theater. I live in apartment number 182 on level eight. There’s a swanky balcony that out looks roof tops. Right behind the complex is a dome building where the less fortunate get their food for the day. I got myself a crazy job that I know you wouldn’t approve of darling but its better then your fathers coal mine. I define gravity, I work on the edge and, if I die, at least I’ll get the chance to fly. Ever hear of Radio Corporation of America? Well I’ll tell you about it either way, it is a complex that stands seventy stories high and guess who’s working on building this monster? Me. I work with ten other Working-Class men, Jimmy, Paul, Tony, Mark, Robert, Jordan, Charlie, Gary, Noah and Louie. We work hard for our pay no matter how little we get. This aint no luxury job but it pays the bills.
Oh, the view from up here is fantastic, granted, with any wrong step I could end up being a big one big splat on the sidewalk in Central Manhattan New York City. No worries though, I’m as acrobatic as a cat on these metal beams. When I look out on the city from up here you can see everything for miles. You can see Central Park with all the trees and the river that splits through the city. Fog settles on the ground eight hundred and fifty feet below us. It is the most beautiful view I will ever see. To my right and down two hundred and fifty-six meters is my apartment and I can see it from way up here clear as day. When our lunch break comes around I sit in the very middle of a large beam with the boys and we have ourselves a little smoke break to calm our nerves. The corporation provides us with white colored box lunches.
Louie made a bad choice today and drank a little bit too much if you know what I mean and took a flying leap towards the ground. Poor Louie, we’ll miss that old chum. Luckily, today ended up also being picture day, I paid ten cents for that picture of me and the gang. That black and white picture means the world to me Amelia, but you mean much more then the world.
Im Still writing more but its due monday so please read and comment im ver bad when it comes to punctuation so please please help!
I like it. You’ve got the tone set for the time period , incorporate a few facts, include phrases from that time period and the way the man talks gives him some character. I think it’s good. People in those days weren’t always very well educated anyways, so it’s not like you need to include all these interesting and descriptive verbs and big words and stuff, so no, it’s not boring. It’s just a letter from a simple man to his love during the Depression. For what it is and what it’s supposed to be, I think it’s well done. Personally, I was intrigued by it. I like the angle of him working to get his love to him. The punctuation seemed just fine to me. A few errors, like a few commas need to be added. There needs to be apostrophe’s in the phrase “ain’t.” I noticed that error once or twice. “When I look out on the city from up here you can see everything for miles.” There needs to be a comma after ‘here.’ Really, it was mostly just overlooked puntuation in a few spots.
Otherwise, I think it’s actually pretty good. Nice job.
What do you think of this story for first paragraph?
This is the first paragraph of my story, though I have wrote more.
Please be honest!
I stared out of the immaculate floor to ceiling glass windows of my bedroom, gazing at the artificially illuminated streets of night time New York. The Streets of Soho had been engulfed by the late night darkness and only the faint flickers of passing headlights disturbed the euphoric streets. I watched, half-heartedly, as the world whizzed by below me, seemingly without a care in the world. I was sitting on the cold, laminated flooring of my mom’s immaculate twentieth-floor apartment feeling like I had every care in the world, making up for everyone else’s lack. I stroked my finger against the icy glass, captured by the condensation that dripped carelessly in distorted paths, each drop significant yet so fragile and disregarded – Just like a human. Each so unique and distinct, yet still taken for granted. I’d taken my mom for granted and this was why tears were streaming down my raw cheeks, pink from my silent sobbing. Tomorrow morning, I would be boarding a plane for a one way journey to Pinedale.
A cosy, picturesque town, with a mere population of 1,600 exists in western Wyoming, America. And this small town is where one of my two remaining family members is situated. The small rural town, that is blessed by the luxury of three, vast mountain ranges is home to my distant, beloved father, Harry. For the next year – or longer, as my gut instinct told me – Harry had kindly agreed to accommodate me and the decision had been like a punch in the gut – Not that I’d ever admit to it. My mom still didn’t know of this discussion between Harry and me. She still thought both of us were staying in New York and I’d been to feebleto discuss my plans.
I adored my mother, Daphne, the closest person in my life. A best friend first, a mother second – always. But best friends, I told myself, make sacrifices for each other. And this was exactly what I was doing. My mom had slowly, but expertly clawed her way to the to of the ladder, and now had gained enough respect and popularity to be counted amongst the most talented chef’s in New York. It was this meritorious title that had unlocked the door to the biggest opportunity my mom had ever been offered and I was not going to mess this up for her. My mom had always wanted to travel, to see the world, to experience cultures and festivals that a person couldn’t even conjure up in their most beautiful dreams. My mom had opened the door to her ambitions seventeen years ago. I had slammed it shut as soon as she’d merely twisted the handle. My birth had halted my mothers dreams and since then they had been dangling in front of her, hanging from a fine thread, so easily destroyed.
Best friends do not leave. This was a rule my mom taught me. It seemed to counteract the sacrifice rule.
Thank you (:
& I’m 15.
& if possible, could you say which bits you thought were repeatitive? Thanks :] x
Ok, I’ll tell you what I think of it step by step through reading
First impression, hmm, let me see this should be an easy way to get 2 points.. OMG is that really a paragraph? You know, you can make a paragraph however long you want it, BUT a writer should make a paragraph however long the reader would want it
When a reader picks up a book, you want to be able to pull them in. Even Dickens, notorious for outlandishly long paragraphs starts off with short ones. For further advice on this, please check out this answer I done on starting a book. It’s long so better get out the coffee mugs:
Ok, plowing my way through your story again…
I can tell you’re talented at writing: ‘the world whizzed by below me’ is a nice use of alliteration and conveys a strong sence of movement, BUT my dear, you are abusing your talents! Too many metaphors can drown the reality of your story. Let your readers BREATHE. What I mean by that absurd remark is USE SHORT SENTENCES AS WELL! Short sentences can be just as beautiful as long when combined together. They give dramatic effect.
‘The Streets of Soho ‘ Streets shouldn’t be capital…
Structure is the major thing to brush up here, because the story seems amazing so far!
Observe your sentence staters:
‘I was sitting’
Are you understanding me a bit? I hope I’m not being offenisive, because when you pour your heart into what you write it’s hard to accept negative comments. You should start sentences in different ways, you know jumble the syntax a little. Observe:
” I watched, half-heartedly…’
“Half-heartedly, I watched…’
This adds some variation in your tone.
Distorted paths, each drop significant yet so fragile and disregarded – Just like a human. I love this sentence!
‘ a mere population of 1,600 ‘ this is too specific. What did your character sit down and count everyone? Say a mere population barely over a thousand…
Another thing, who are you aiming this to?
Teenagers wouldn’t like ‘beloved father’, it sounds to adultish, too stone and snooty. What’s wrong with ‘beloved dad?’ :s
Ok, fine sigh at me then
By the ‘For the next year – or longer’ everything improves. Your character seems real to me then because you start to write as they think not as it would look nice on paper. ‘And this was exactly what I was doing. ‘ Ah, I see you already know about the short sentence next to lots of long ones thing, but you know, you should have done it from the start.
Extending on that point, how about seperating a select short sentences into seperate paragraphs? You know, to really kick the reader. :p
OK, finished reading and wow, you’ve got talent.
here’s something important to consider:
the most important line in your book is the first line and the last line.
Make your fist line something different, don;t start off describing straight away…
How about putting the line:
‘Best friends do not leave. This was a rule my mom taught me.’
as the first line and then at the end reflecting on it..
‘Best friends do not leave. This was a rule my mom taught me…
It seemed to counteract the sacrifice rule.’
Repution’s good too you know.
Hope this helped and good luck, though by the looks of it you won’t be needing it
Are There Any Peculiar Things About Living In Manhattan?
I am considering moving to New York City but all my friends tell me that it is rather uncomfortable. I assume this is due to the countless places that don’t have elevators but you need to walk up a few flights of stairs, not having a car to go get groceries, etc. Beyond this are there any things that aren’t common issues?
How is trash handled when you live in an apartment? I never see trash bins in Manhattan.
Are there any special fees/taxes one must pay for having the “luxury” of living in Manhattan?
How trash is handled depends on the building. Larger buildings have trash and recycling rooms. The supers gather the trash from those rooms and put it out for collection. In smaller building you put out your own trash, correctly bagged, on the sidewalk on the correct day.
The only “fee” I can think of for living in Manhattan is the frighteningly high cost of rent, as well as the small size of the apartments you get for that high rent. You have no idea the kinds of small spaces New Yorkers typically live in, particularly in Manhattan.
But, if you can afford it, Manhattan can be very convenient! You never have to drive anywhere. Everything you want is nearby. You live near some of the great art and cultural institutions of this country.
So it depends on what you mean by uncomfortable.
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